Chapter 1 - Pregzilla: The Baby Shower (The post that started it all)

I got an email today from my boss' pregnant wife - she's also a very casual acquaintance, but I don't know her that well -- she and my boss are newlyweds. The first part of the email was a personal apology for not having already let me know about her baby shower. She excused it by blaming pregnancy brain. Why is SHE sorry that SHE didn't let me know about her baby shower? What happened to the invitation? Isn't the business of inviting someone else's job?

Apparently not. Read on... Here's a clip, which was, I'm sure, part of a mass email....

Just wanted to send a reminder regarding the baby shower!! :-) It's just one week away!!! We are so excited to get to celebrate this little man with each of you! He truly is a blessing! Many of you know the amount years of prayers, tears, and heartache I experienced waiting for this little guy!

Okay, she's 25 and has been married for not quite eight months: wed six weeks after she met her dh. Baby was an unplanned "honeymoon bonus" and is due in 2 months. How many "years" is that?

Here's the rest: Baby Shower is Saturday, June 14th, at XXXXXXXXX. (our place of business) If you need directions, just let me know! :-)If you would, please try to RSVP before June 10th, so we can know for certain how much food to prepare and how many seats to set up! :-)You can RSVP either via email to XXXXX or my cell at XXXXXXX.

We are registered at Babies R Us! www.babiesrus.com or the two locations here in xxxxxxx!!! We have been very blessed, and many people have given us a large portion of the things that we will need. We have been blessed with clothing from newborn on, which was a huge blessing!!! :-) There are still a few things that we are lacking, which I have included on the registry.Hope to hear from you soon!!

Accccckkkk!!! I don't even know what to say or do. Why am I getting this from HER instead of a friend or relative of hers? My first, best guess is that she's alienated everyone around her, sadly, to the point that no one WANTS to host a shower for her. She's got a passel of sisters-in-law, all who have been taken aback - first by Bridezilla, then by moody, whiny, hermit-like Pregzilla. Don't know about her friends, but it seems she used to have a bunch, and suddenly none. It's just so sad. And tacky....and pathetic....and I feel bad for her and wish I could be supportive. I even wish I'd known ahead of time that this was going to happen -- I'd have hosted the stupid thing.

Our travel baseball schedule won't allow me to actually attend the shower. (Thank God. ) And I'm beyond embarrassed for her that she's handling things this way. I'm honestly not sure she knows any different -- but SURELY she does, right? I don't know though -- she didn't send out bridal shower or wedding thank yous either.

Her dh works for a non-profit ministry, so I know the money is tight, but... This isn't a charity fundraiser! I'm of the old school of thought that would never dream of even having a mother host a shower, for fear of looking greedy for her child. Let alone HOSTING YOUR OWN!! I mean, if no one offers to give you a shower, well, then, you don't have one. Am I nuts?

Can anyone think of a truly kind, gentle way to send my regrets? I'm at a total loss.

Twill's suggestion:

Dear XXX, Congratulations! I wish you a safe and healthy pregnancy. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend your shower, but I hope you have a wonderful time. Sincerely, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, you DID say you wanted a truly kind and gentle response. If you change your mind, you can always go with:

Dear XXX, Wow! You must have been planning to get pregnant since you were in high school if you had to wait years and years for this to occur. Aren't you lucky that all of your planning and prayers and tears paid off by marrying an extremely fertile dude? Good luck with the shower. Hope you're able to get that wish list filled, but if not, don't worry. I'm positive that someone like you will figure out a way to get more free stuff after the baby is born. Sorry I can't attend, but real life invades and I must leave Fantasy Pregnancy World to go attend to it. I'm not too worried, though, because I'm certain someone like you will cry and pray real hard for another baby real soon, so I'm sure there will be another one down the road.

Kelly asks: As for the years of heartache and tears, do you know if maybe she was diagnosed as infertile at one time or another?

Ugh. Pretty sure not. I am certain potential to procreate was a prime factor in her suitability to marry this guy, according to his family. He is nearing 40, and had developed pretty specific requirements for a mate, I think, which included youth, attractiveness and presumed fertility. Which makes him sound like a perv , and he's really not, he just isn't heavy on couth.

I think her primary distress was more on the order of "27 Dresses." Poor tortured thing.

Yes, I know, they're both real pieces of work. And they seem to be the type people that are totally oblivious to that fact, too. One comment several weeks post-wedding from the groom: "I hate gift cards. Why can't people just give cash?!"

He needed a wife who would dole out an attitude adjustment where he has "jerkitis" from being a bachelor and only thinking of himself for so many years, and instead he married a chick with the same disease.

Pregzilla grieved for two weeks when she found out she was having "his" boy instead of "her" girl. Literally in a deep depression. She wouldn't leave the house, called the office whining at him to bring her something to eat (Um, get up off the couch and walk to the kitchen, princess.), snapped, screamed at or ignored everyone else, and made her dh sleep in the living room.

Another Fishie comment: Ok, so that was really tacky...but please remember (once you stop laughing) that she's your bosses wife. If it was me I'd send a small gift (think target clearance...) with a card expressing my regrets on not being able to attend. We can help you laugh, but you've still got to work with that guy...(husband to Bridezilla, Pregzilla and soon to be New-Momzilla?)

Yeah. Bingo....And I'd like to place odds that Post-Partumzilla will be a scream, too. Can't wait for that.


From Sparky...So, when did the "little man" become such a blessing if that's how she initially felt?

Honestly? For one, she must have made some sort of peace with it, but mostly -- how will she ever get anyone to foot the bill for all the cool baby stuff she wants if she doesn't project some enthusiasm for the fundraiser?

Later: I wish I had NEVER looked at that gift registry at babiesrus.com. The "registrant's message?" WE HAVE BEEN VERY BLESSED TO RECEIVE CLOTHING FROM NEWBORN SIZES UP! OUR NEEDS ARE ALL SELECTED HERE ON THIS REGISTRY! THANK YOU!!!

Their "needs?" A $200 toy box. A $60 shopping cart seat cover. A $150 baby monitor system. TEN 92-count boxes of NEWBORN sized diapers! (Which means she's planning on the baby staying below 8 lbs for about 3 months!!!)Etc, etc, etc, etc.

SIXTY bottles. SIXTY!! And she's breastfeeding, and planning to stay at home with the baby. What the HECK is she planning to do with all those bottles? How many can you go through between washings??? Where would you PUT that many bottles?? I breastfed, and w/ my last son, I had ONE bottle that I washed between uses when I needed it. (Okay, that's probably not normal, but sheesh. SIXTY??) If I was actually going to the shower, I might contemplate the shock value of actually getting these - but alas, I'm not, and alas, that would be $80 plus tax.

She asked for SEVEN Medela nipple shields. 7????? How many boobs does she have? Maybe I should go for the 250 baby hangers she requested. Oh, wait! I'm thinking the 25,000 baby wipes might make a cute gift. And I could tie the ONE bottle of baby wash she asked for to the top with ribbon!!!! Okay, I gotta stop......

Natty's queries on the boorish maneuver: Seriously, I'm no baby expert, but she sounds like she doesn't know what to order from the bulk store for her ... um, baby daycare. What kind of child does she think she is gonna be caring for??

Apparently, one with a very active digestive system . But who otherwise, will be inherently clean and will not need baths.

I'd laugh, but I'm kinda horrified at how exactly she is gonna take care of this first kid with the things that she "thinks" she "needs." The bottles? And the nipple shields? How do you even need more than one at a time, how many does she plan on shoving into his ONE MOUTH?

More concern about the registry from snortiesmom: but ya wouldn't want her to be strapped for cash and have no way to buy size one diapers once she runs out of the 1000 newborn diapers she surely will receive at the shower )

Oh shoot, no worries there. She requested 10 cases of the 216-count size 1 Pampers. (Yep-2,160 dipes) Which, added to the 3 months she'll have covered with newborn Pampers, should last the little guy well into his second year. Maybe she thinks the 8-14 lb limit means how much they'll hold, ala Jeff Foxworthy.

All right, some other items from the registry: TWO infant bathtubs (they have one bathroom), AND an additional infant bath support. But only one baby towel. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY outlet covers - presumably for their tiny home and the home of everyone they know.There's so much more...but the really expensive (and unnecessary)stuff - there is honestly enough for a toney daycare here!