Chapter 18 - Pregzilla: A Pregnant Pause

(Okay, I lied. This chapter isn’t about the baby’s name. It got too long, and I still hadn’t gotten to the discussion of infant nomenclature, so I had to change the title. It’s kind of on the darker side, as Pregzilla Chronicles go. Just a warning. )

From the time the pregnancy announcement was made, we all knew that Zilla and Boss had some heavy decision-making ahead. On paper, at least, this was not a good time to add a family member.


First of all , Boss’ landlord had recently made notification that the house Boss was occupying was about to be put on the market. Which would mean the two of them could soon be homeless.


A little backstory on that. You might remember that I have said that I had been caring for Boss’ personal finances. He has very little time for routine, menial tasks. I think I started paying Boss’ bills about a year before he got married, long before he ever met Zilla, beginning when he abashedly brought in a disconnect notice from the water company that services his home. He was preparing for a trip out of state, and was terribly busy, but knew this needed to be attended to, pronto. Boss wanted to see if I’d be willing to call the water company and attempt to talk them out of a huge late fee and service charge they’d tacked onto his bill. I’m pretty good at working with vendors and smoothing over problems, and he thought I might be able to help.



The reason behind this unpaid bill was that Boss’ roommate, a young college graduate (incidentally, the earnest musician from the wedding prelude concert ), had been stacking the mail in the wrong place in the house. Boss doesn’t pay much attention unless a bill is actually placed in hand, so he had missed his water payment a couple of times. And incidentally, he shared with me, his other utility bills were either already in arrears or about to be, due to the misplaced mail.



My previous job had been as a mortgage loan officer, so I was well aware the havoc that can be wreaked on a credit report by having accounts in collections. I knew also that Boss’ deep desire was to get married. Putting both of these together , and knowing that this probably wasn’t the first time Boss had a slow pay on an account, I wanted to help him get his act together. I offered to set up online accounts for all his bills, check them regularly and make sure they were always paid on time, even when he was out of town. I knew that what was costing HIM several hours a month of disorganization and stress would only take me a few minutes per week after the initial set-up. I even pulled Boss’ credit report for him and showed him what steps he needed to take to bring up his score, so that at some time in the future, he could be prepared to offer a new bride more pleasant financial possibilities, like, the ability to get a credit card, car loan, or mortgage, for example. Or simply not to have to pay an arm and a leg for auto insurance! The little things that mean so much to a spouse and make you much less likely to want to wring their necks!



I’d been doing all I could to help Boss improve his credit history as quickly as possible, but obviously, it can’t happen overnight, and even though it had been several months since I’d taken over his personal finances, when the wedding took place it had not been NEARLY enough time to make a real impact on his financial reputation. I had talked to him a little bit about the realistic money-related goals he wanted to meet before he married, and although there was SOME progress, he hadn’t reached even ONE of those goals yet when he asked Zilla for her hand. I mean, he had to take out a loan for her wedding and engagement rings, even after deciding that having sufficient resources to pay CASH for wedding jewelry had been one of his FIRM goals. But what are ya gonna do? He’s a big boy.



One thing I knew almost for sure; they were in no position to put a downpayment on a home, in the event they had to leave the place he and Zilla were occupying now. None of my business, but I was skeptical whether they could even scrape together enough for a rental deposit, let alone pay monthly rent, based on the whopper of a medical tab Zilla surely must have run up on the honeymoon , and Boss’ somewhat anxious comments about the lack of cash gifts from the wedding reception(s). So if Boss and Zilla had their current residence sold out from under them, the house on which Boss had secured FREE rent from the owner, they’d probably be at the mercy of family members for a place to stay. Boss had previously lived with one of his sisters and her DH for awhile, but – not with Pregzilla. Since Miss Princess Zilla has so de-ingratiated herself with Boss’ family, the imposition of asking any one of them to share their home is not likely to ever be a viable alternative.


Secondly , Boss had developed a pretty ambitious set of objectives for our organization over the next year, which included several time-intensive major events and a trip overseas. Had Zilla (or anyone – we weren’t that picky! ) been able to jump right in and be an active member of our support staff, we might have been able to pull them all off. But Boss’ aspirations were far too grandiose for our small staff. An even worse sign - the overseas trip, which Boss remained doggedly committed to up until early spring, was scheduled for late July into early August. They had just announced that Zilla was due on August 7. In fact, the delegation was set to return to the states on August 4, which turned out to be three days AFTER the baby’s actual birth.



We at the office had some frustrated fun with Boss’ delusion about his being able to keep the foreign journey obligation. He readily agreed that of course, Zilla probably wouldn’t be able to go. No kidding. But it would still work out okay, because she could just have that baby before they left. Oh REALLY, just like that? Well, and then she’s not actually DUE until the 7th, so she could also just wait until they got back. As if the mom controls the time of the labor, and Zilla could just will the birth to occur on whatever day was convenient. Boss actually said this with Zilla sitting right THERE at the table with us. I had never before realized how unattentive Boss must have been during his siblings’ and their spouses’ pregnancies. Like, totally oblivious. He did finally nix the idea of the overseas trip later, in April, citing some overcharging of fees by the trip organizers and that he no longer felt peace about going. No, if my husband was planning on going on a non-mandatory foreign expedition three days before I was due with our first child, I can bet you that peace is the LAST thing he would feel.



Thirdly , again due to skimpy corporate finances, all employees of our organization must supply their own health insurance independently. Boss, being a fairly healthy single guy with a lot of connections, didn’t bother with it. If he got sick and needed a doctor, he’d call a physician friend who’d be glad to take a look at him. Zilla lost her health insurance when the store where she worked went out of business. Boss had already experienced the incredible financial vortex of Zilla’s recurring need for medical attention, so I’m sure the thought of Zilla pregnant and requiring even more health monitoring was quite shocking for him.



And finally , though there was never any specific communication regarding such from either Boss or Zilla, we could all tell that married life wasn’t at ALL what either of them had anticipated it would be. Each of them had built up an image of the other that had most likely been dashed to pieces sometime during those first couple of weeks of marriage. They just plain ol’ hadn’t had enough time to get to fully acquainted before they were ceremonially stuck with each other “forever.” Cautionary word to the wise…



In Boss’ own words, speaking of the pregnancy “This isn’t the time we would have picked for this to happen.” Well, as my dear mom said once, “Those that play have gotta pay,” and “If you can’t afford a condom, you surely can’t afford a baby.” Wise woman. I’m just sayin’.



After the initial shock of the announcement wore off, the magnitude of what was happening truly set in. Zilla was sick, she was crotchety, and if anything, she was even less charming than she had been in the enlightening and prophetic moments just before her wedding. Sis and the nephews happened to be stranded by bad weather one night early in January, and Boss reluctantly (which seemed odd to them because he’s typically so hospitable) invited them to bunk down at his place. Sis told me they had arrived, been there for a short time, and were expecting Zilla to come greet them at any moment. Zilla materialized at the door of her bedroom, glared silently at all of them for a long moment , turned and slammed the door. Boss excused himself and went in to speak with her.



Nephew said as they were settling onto the couches and recliners to sleep, they heard a heated exchange behind that closed door. Boss eventually emerged from the bedroom carrying a pillow and blanket and asked one of them to move to the floor so Boss could have the recliner. Nephew asked what was going on and got the reply, “She can’t stand the way I smell, so I’ve been sleeping out here until she feels better.” Ouch. I didn’t ask many questions, but the family updates confirmed that Boss’ bedroom was the living room for a good long time.



When in the office, Boss spent a lot of time on the phone with Zilla. He always spoke soothingly, like you would imagine a horseman might talk to a skittish colt. You’d hear, before Boss shut his office door, things like, “No, Sweetheart, that’s not it at all…. Now, you don’t have to do THAT….” Sounded like he was trying to peel her off the walls over the phone. I was praying, for his sake – for all our sakes – that it was just those crazy pregnancy hormones.



Zilla reportedly couldn’t keep anything down , yet Boss reported a plethora of stereotypical middle-of-the night runs to the grocery to fulfill her random cravings. Then, her beloved Kitty died and things really went south. Once, she was admitted to the hospital overnight for dehydration, and a whole handful of occurrences of visits to the urgent care - for a bag of fluids this time, a bleeding hemorrhoid next, indigestion or vomiting the time after. Her OB pleaded with her to call the office first (I know him - he would have talked her down and told her to stay home ) but somehow, that didn’t happen. She wouldn’t call. Boss started to stress about the bills. The OB gave Boss a way out by offering his services free of charge – see, I told you people just love to give Boss things…



Boss had a birthday in January. Birthdays are a big deal in Boss’ family – EVERYBODY goes to each family member’s birthday celebration. We in the office decided to take Boss to lunch on his birthday, at a place just across the street from the subdivision where Boss and Zilla live. His whole family was invited, and they all came. We had already heard from Boss that Zilla had been feeling better that day – she was nearly 12 weeks along, and her all-day morning sickness seemed to be improving somewhat. Zilla was going to drive the, oh, 400 feet or so to the restaurant and meet us there. NO, she did NOT want anyone to pick her up. Boss shrugged. She was funny about things like that sometimes, he said.



So we waited on her. And waited. Boss called her. She must be on her way, no answer. “No ma’am, we’ll order when the rest of our party gets here. “ More waiting. Boss called again. Short conversation. Rather stunned look. Zilla wasn’t coming. She had changed her mind, ON BOSS’ BIRTHDAY, and had stood up the whole family and office staff while we waited for her at the restaurant. Boss tried not to show it, but he HAD to be crushed. He spent a long time talking with one of his siblings after we ate – one who had also had some marriage struggles. I felt really bad for Boss. But ya know, It wasn’t like he wasn’t warned…



By the way, the thing about Boss’ landlord selling the house he lives in – it seems to have gone away. Boss and Zilla repainted the rooms and replaced that tainted carpet in the nursery. I don’t know the details, but they’re staying put for now.

Home Sweet (I mean Sterile) Home.