You see, one of the primary accompanying reasons I have trouble swallowing the concept that the Golden Child might be early is my strongly-held belief that SO much of what we are is hereditary. I mean come on, you’ve seen it. Your own kids, having never even come in contact with the worst qualities of your persona, seem uncontrollably inclined to pick them up anyway. Am I right?
Take promptness, for instance. I don’t know Zilla well enough, really to make a concrete judgment as to her time management skills, but having known Boss for several years, I can say with absolute certainty that he is not a punctual person. Since Zilla hasn’t yet utterly gone NUTS about Boss’ lack of adherence to scheduling, I can only assume she condones it. I mean, her own WEDDING was an hour late! Consequently, I have trouble imagining that his spawn will be ahead of schedule, or actually anywhere adjacent to his due date of August 7. But time, of course, will tell.
Boss does not adhere to the conventional restraints imposed by our time-oriented US culture. Which is not to say that he hails from a foreign land. A foreign PLANET, maybe, but not a foreign land. He is American born and bred, all the way.
Admittedly, I have not historically been the most well-timed individual on earth. I have made great strides in the punctuality department, but in the past, it has not been unusual for me to be a couple of minutes late. Or maybe five, at the most. Not acceptable, rude to those who are waiting for me, unprofessional and all that. Like I said, I’ve been working on that for decades, and have met with some real success. I’m actually usually EARLY now, thank you very much.
So, given my struggles with promptness, it was quite a shock to enter into employ for someone who is even worse at being Johnny-on-the-Spot than I was. I mean, Boss is NEVER on time. Unless he’s meeting someone whom he considers to be just EXTREMELY more important and influential than he is , which is not often. And which makes his lack of timely arrival to be even MORE offensive to the average Joe, because you are slapped in the face with the fact. You know, the fact that suggests that you aren’t important enough for him to trouble himself to be on time for your appointment.
There are a number of excuses that Boss gives for his tardiness. It usually boils down to Divine appointments. So basically he routinely blames his overdue arrivals on God, which is just WRONG. And tends to make us all look like blundering buffoons, but then he covers it up by being so unfailingly charming and filled with compassion, that his tardiness gets overlooked. Which is nothing short of AMAZING to watch.
Clients are increasingly ticked when Boss is a no-show. Irritation grows by the minute. So irked are they, that when Boss finally comes whirling in, they’re hopping mad. Thinly veiled fury. Nonetheless Boss privately convenes with them, and somehow, by the time they take their leave, they’re thinking Boss is the greatest thing since indoor plumbing and they can barely contain themselves until they can come back and wait impatiently on Boss again at some meticulously scheduled but totally unlikely time in the future. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I’m not talking that Boss is five or ten minutes late, either. Oh, no. NEVER earlier than fifteen minutes late, and that’s if he really likes you or esteems your time as very valuable . Typical timeframe? More like thirty minutes, anywhere up to TWO HOURS, under what he considers extenuating circumstances.
It doesn’t take much to be classified as an extenuating circumstance, either. Zilla “needed my help with some things.” (And I’ve got seven kids who needed help with some things too. Yet here I am, right on time. Go figure. Sorry to keep playing the personal family experience card, but some of these things just really chap my fanny. ) “I was up really late last night.” (See previous comment.) “I ran into XXX at the pancake house. It had been a long time and he needed some encouragement.” Well, yeah, Boss, we could have all used some encouragement too, as we chilled our flat butts waiting two hours for you to come direct the staff meeting.
And you might wonder why Boss has never been called to task for this before. It’s the heredity thing, I tell you. Many of the employees of our organization are also members of Boss’ family. Nepotism at its best. So when Boss isn’t on time, most of the other aforementioned employees aren’t even THERE yet, so they have no idea how late Boss is. The whole family is always late. That’s just the way they are. Everyone who waits for them hates it, becomes embittered against them and treats them differently, etc. Their children are penalized at school and on sports teams because of their tardiness, but because lateness is summarily excused by everyone in the bloodline, nobody accepts responsibility for it or accepts the fact, even remotely, that their lack of punctuality is to blame for any unsavory outcomes. Duh, people.
Time after time I’ve gotten panicked phone calls from folks who had a meeting with Boss (or a closely-related employee) that involved a stringent time constraint. And I usually find out later that Boss was “on his way” or that the employee in question did arrive by his/her own description “a few minutes late.” Just for the record, in my book, a FEW minutes is three or four, NOT THIRTY. The crazy thing is that our business is BASED on time and the keeping of appointments. I just don’t understand how it all seems to work out. But work out it does. I’m flummoxed.
Just this last week for example, Boss had an early appointment scheduled with a couple of clients. When I arrived in the office at my appointed time and checked voicemail, there was a message from these folks. At the time of the voicemail, they were in the parking lot, it was time for the appointment to be OVER, but they just wanted someone to know that they had been there. They were leaving. Yikes. Great way to run a business, Boss. Anyway, I walked back into the common area, and low and behold, THERE were these clients, an hour and a half after their original appointment time. Boss had gotten in touch with them, they had come BACK for another try at the meeting, and they were thanking Boss profusely for working them in. After Boss had been the one who had been the no-show. Believe it. It happens ALL the time. I dare say it would happen to YOU, if you were one of Boss’ clients. And you would be initially infuriated, but ultimately placated.
So Boss’ son being born EARLY??? This pregnancy has been a microcosm of the way Boss runs his whole life, the business, his marriage. Set in motion way too soon, before anyone was even vaguely ready. By the seats of their pants, if you will, but such a word picture is way too graphic for me, thanks all the same. Embarked upon with little regard for preparation or education, and with apparent disdain for good reason. Unrealistic and fantastical expectations out the wazoo, backed up by incredible and irrational statistics. Wild speculation, which will customarily far outpace the comparatively disappointing reality.
Bottom line: When Boss and Zilla say that their extraordinary Little Man will manifest himself ahead of schedule, I don’t bank on it. I predict he’ll be at least a day late and a dollar short just like dear old Dad.
In fact – DH’s secret prediction on the birthdate? August 14. By induction.
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